Diary Entries
3 August 1802
A few months prior to me writing this, I staged a military coup against the Government. One of the members of the government asked for my help to overthrow the Government, and I agreed. We constructed a plan, and we executed it perfectly. The plan was to go to the Government and inform them that the Jacobins, the people responsible for the mass beheadings during the revolution, were planning a coup, and that my army and I would protect them in the Saint-Cloud Château. However, our intentions were never to protect the Government, but to imprison them in a defensible location. Soon, the entire government was imprisoned within the walls of the palace, and I brought my army marching in, causing chaos. This led to my brother, along with one of the government members who arranged the coup, and myself becoming the Three Consuls, although, yesterday, I re-wrote the new constitution so that I was the First Consul For Life. Finally, I have the most power in the Empire. Although, I wish for something more. For death is nothing, but to live defeated and inglorious is to die daily.
2 December 1804
Today, I finally coronated myself Emperor of France! After all of the months of planning I finally did it! I decided that I would coronate myself in Notre Dame. I commissioned France’s finest painters to paint the entire scene, down to the finest details. I called upon the greatest Chefs to cook their finest dishes, fit for royalty. I commanded that the press publish the event as front-page news, so that all of France was aware, I am now the Emperor of France. I hand-selected the finest jewelers to create my crown and the beautiful chandeliers that would hang above my coronation. I personally selected the best seamstresses in the land to hand craft their finest jewel encrusted robes for me and my beloved wife Josephine. It would be embarrassing to coronate myself and not dear Josephine. Besides, what is an Emperor, without his Empress. So, after all of the planning and decorating, I coronated myself. No, the Pope didn’t do it, I lifted the crown off the pedestal and placed it on my own head. That Pope Pius was speechless! Serves him right too, after supporting those dirty Austrian pigs. I certainly showed him that I, and I alone am in charge. I have been waiting for this moment ever since I was promoted to General. Je suis le Grand Napoleon Bonaparte!
3 December 1805
Yesterday, The Austrian and Russian Forces attacked our lines at Austerlitz. What they didn’t know was that I had set a devious trap, and those repugnant fools fell for it. I may have controlled the high ground, but, I retreated from it, and left it as bait for the Coalition to claim. Soon thereafter, the Coalition did exactly that, and spotting my weak right flank, they foolishly attacked it. Then, my “Grande Armée” swung round, reclaiming the Pratzen heights, demolishing their flank, and crushing the Coalition army, which was forced to retreat. Then, the force attacking my army’s right flank, which was still standing, was surrounded by my army. They were forced to retreat over a frozen lake, which we smashed with our cannonballs. Thousands of men drowned in the freezing water, but many hundreds more were captured. Another amazing victory to add to my invincible reputation. Franz Joseph must be furious to be defeated so many times by me. What a fool. My superior strategies once again reigned supreme over their old, outdated maneuvers.
1 May 1815
I cannot believe that I, the greatest military strategist in Europe, have been exiled to Saint Helena for nearly six years. When I was on Elba, I was only exiled for 6 months, and frankly was in-charge there. Then I escaped and overthrew King Louis XVIII again, and restored my power. Sadly, Waterloo turned out a disaster! Can you believe that my ignorant Cavalry Commander directly ignored my directives and delayed the crucial assault on the British troops! To “let the mud dry” for the horses. Of course, the British were ready by the time “the mud dried”. Does he not understand that my strategy relies on surprise and, most crucially, timing? Alas, there is nothing to be done about that now. My health is deteriorating by the day, and I fear that I am nearing the end. I am only fifty-three, but, I fear that this may be my final entry. To think that I came from such humble beginnings, to be the greatest Emperor the world has ever seen. And now, exiled to a remote island, guarded by a battalion of redcoats and two fully decked warships. That in itself shows how feared I am! I wish for my ashes to be buried on the banks of the Seine surrounded by the French people that I love so dearly. Although, I still contemplate burial on the Island of Corsica, where my story so humbly began.